I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
