What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
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I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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