you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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