That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
