Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
