So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
