Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
