obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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