You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
