John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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