I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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