I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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