I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
