There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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