i jhust puked up my retainher.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
