worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
