I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
