I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
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Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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