Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
