She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
