you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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