I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
