Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
