My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
