saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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