So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
