Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
