am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
