The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
this is an emotional support booty call
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
