That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
