half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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