We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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