Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
