Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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