Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
