i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
