You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
