Define "chronic" masturbator.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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