Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
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Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
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You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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