I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
