I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize