Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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