well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
