so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
