If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
