Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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