I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
