Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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