She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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