Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
