it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
