So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
