its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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