i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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