also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
