i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
