What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
