i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
