Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
