Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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