just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
