I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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