If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
