Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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