Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
